


Dice

by xDemonPonx



Category: Alice Nine
Genre: AU, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-19
Updated: 2014-09-19
Packaged: 2018-02-18 00:06:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2328053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xDemonPonx/pseuds/xDemonPonx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shou and Hiroto have a night of fun but Shou claims not to want any more. **MULTI-CHAP**</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> old fic about to undergo MAJOR remix but here is original

Shou tossed and turned, sleep remaining just out of his reach, like chasing someone running just a little faster than him. Maybe it was the unfamiliar bed, his body rejecting sheets that weren't his. Always a tour hazard that a hotel room wouldn't offer the same comforts as home; the pillows not dented just so, the television at slightly the wrong angle. Touring was the thing Shou loved more than anything but he did wish he had magic powers and could teleport home after.

A soft knock on the door made Shou rise, his bare feet padding softly on the carpet.

“Oh good, you're awake,” Hiroto smiled as Shou opened the door, “I can't sleep.”

Shou wondered if he'd been taken back in time to when the band started. Back then, Hiroto was still a teenager, not used to being alone and away from home. Craving the warmth and comfort of someone else, Hiroto had fallen asleep beside Shou countless times.

Standing in the hallway now, clad in boxers and an oversized t-shirt, Shou pulled the younger inside. Both still wide awake, they decided to entertain themselves for a while. Lucky that Shou was such a geek and never went anywhere without his beloved PS3. It had been set up the minute Shou had entered the hotel. He popped in the latest DBZ Budokai game and before long, cries of “Hiiiiyaaaaaa, take that!” and “In your face!” filled the hotel room.

This was something Shou missed in his life; he and his boyfriend never had time for just being silly like this. They had better uses for any moments together. He and Tora weren't even exclusive, a sort of no-strings-attached policy that dictated they looked to each other for gratification but neither would be upset if the other went to someone else. Shou briefly had an image of himself tied to someone he could be a dork with as well as the physical sensations before shaking his head and seeing that Hiroto had just whooped his butt. Shou looked at Hiroto with an all-too-familiar demon king glint in his eye. Without a break, he started again and thumped Hiroto into the ground. Revenge is sweet, he thought, an evil grin spreading on his face.

**

There was a reason Hiroto always went to Shou for comfort. The older made him feel secure like no one else could. Maybe it was because the older had been so protective when the band started, always making sure Hiroto, who was a relative newborn in this world, was coping with everything. The bond they had formed then had never really faded.

There was one thing Hiroto didn't know about Shou: Tora. Since their no-strings-attached actions didn't affect the band, there was no need to tell anyone. The guilt of not telling his brother gnawed away at Shou's insides but then, there was no need to tell him. They had never been together, it didn't affect Hiroto in any way.

At least, outwardly it didn't affect the younger. Inwardly, he found himself wondering if tonight was the night to make his move, wondering if he could ever express his feelings to his leader. Shou exuded the confidence of a god, his beautiful face and lithe figure hiding the strength within. Why would someone so sure of himself want young, naive Hiroto? Hiroto had successfully created a mask for himself early on, projecting an image of someone focused totally on his music. The mask didn't fool Shou, it was transparent to him.

Shou knew he really wanted someone he could be tied to and share everything with. He ignored this, telling himself love would undo anything JRock about him, all he needed was his moment of physical ecstasy. Speaking of physical ecstasy....

Hiroto mashed the buttons of the controller, channeling his feelings into his gaming. Shou had always been a big brother, caring and nurturing but never any more. The two had spent almost every moment together for the past 8 years. Learning and growing beside each other. It made sense to Hiroto to take it one step further. Hiroto just couldn't say the words, his mouth turning to mush as he opened it. Why would Shou want him? He was someone to be taken care of, nothing more. He had no idea how to show that he wasn't the cute, innocent boy he once was.

Unbeknownst to Hiroto, the innocent image was exactly what made him so appealing. Shou couldn't stop imagining corrupting the younger, making him cry out in pleasure, giving him bliss like they had never shared before. They shared everything else, it was logical to share that moment as well.

The friendship between them was too important, more precious than life itself, Hiroto just couldn't do anything that could change that, couldn't lose Shou. He focused on the television screen, trying to suppress his heart, as he always had to every time he was with Shou.

Shou couldn't stand it. The thought of perverting the younger, taking that step towards pleasure was exciting him beyond belief, overriding all other thoughts and judgment. To distract himself, he went over to the mini-bar and pulled out some drinks. Luckily, PSC was used to this kind of thing (drinking and rock stars went hand-in-hand, after all). He handed Hiroto a beer which Hiroto took even though he didn't much feel like drinking.

Being alone with Shou always made Hiroto's heart flutter like a caged butterfly. He felt stirrings all over his body but this wasn't at the forefront of his mind; he was more concerned with his emotions right now than his body and it's needs. Shou was an absolutely opposed element, thinking of the pleasure and ignoring the feelings below the surface telling him he wanted a serious relationship. Serious was a foreign concept to his mind. Ecstasy was the. only thing he let through the cracks of his mind, knowing he needed to touch the stars and not feel like any more was expected.

Shou's desire took over, as if he was possessed. His hand began to wander and caress the sensitive area of Hiroto's inner thigh.

“Shou-tama” breathed Hiroto, “we shouldn't-”

“Why not?” That tease-the-fangirls mischievous grin appeared as the other hand snaked up Hiroto's shirt and made contact with a nipple. His fingers danced around and around before slowly brushing over it.

“B-because,” Hiroto forced out, “W-we aren't ready.”

“We're alone, we're just having fun, relax and just let yourself feel the sensation,” Shou purred, licking the shell of Hiroto's ear

Hiroto felt his resolve weakening, his body reacting to Shou's ministrations. He was so weak, letting this happen with the stupid hope it would lead to more. The boys kissed passionately, aiming towards the bed, peeling clothes, like throwing off restraints. They tumbled onto the bed, hands caressing firm biceps, the sensual curve of an ass. Shou gently took a nipple in his fingers, rubbing back and forth over a slowly-hardening bud and giving a little squeeze before lowering his head, taking the firm peak in his mouth and slowly swirling his tongue around it.

Hiroto was panting, a string of encouragement escaping his lips. Shou's hand edged its way down in between their bodies, barely brushing over Hiroto's erection. His fingertips brushed the slit on the head, even that slight pressure eliciting a loud moan. Shou rubbed the spot right below the head, Hiroto letting out a choked sound which just made Shou keep doing that.

Shou stroked downward, caressing the base. Hiroto leaked drops of precome which didn't get far because Shou leaned down and took the tip of Hiroto's cock in his mouth.

Hiroto's eyes snapped open feeling himself slide over Shou's soft lips into the wet cavern of his mouth. Reflexively, he bucked his hips upward, a silent plea for Shou to take more of him in, make him see stars.

Shou slid his head backward slowly, his tongue stroking the sensitive underside. Hiroto writhed on the bed, gripping the sheets. Shou began to move faster, his hand and mouth working Hiroto for all he was worth.

“Shou-tama, I'm...”

Maybe it was that nickname, maybe it was the sight of the young man lost in bliss. Shou moved faster and it was a few seconds later, Hiroto's hips jerked off the bed and he yelled incoherent babble that may have been Shou's name and released his essence which Shou drank up gratefully, more delicious than the finest wine.

Shou stayed with Hiroto, drinking down every last drop. Finally, he lifted his head and wriggled up the bed, kissing Hiroto and offering his tongue, letting Hiroto taste himself.

Before he knew what was happening, Shou found himself flipped on his back. Hiroto ran his tongue up Shou's throat in a long, languid stroke. Shou moaned loudly, Hiroto encouraged by the sound. He ran his teeth over the trail he had just licked, biting down, just on the borderline of leaving a mark that would need to be covered up. He slowly started to lap down Shou's chest and moved across, taking a bud in his plush lips and sucking, using his teeth to gently tug, drawing out a torrent of whimpering noises from the back of Shou's throat.

He drew his tongue across Shou's body to the other side to take the other nipple in his mouth, his tongue lapping at it, bringing it to hardness as well.

Hiroto continued to lick his way down Shou's body, dipping his tongue into the older man's navel, more delicious sounds spilling from Shou's mouth.

Hiroto was driving Shou insane in the most pleasant way, slowly licking down and finally, after what seemed like forever, Hiroto reached his destination. The sound Shou made was close to a sob as Hiroto opened his mouth and wasted no time in fully engulfing Shou in the wonderful heat of his mouth. Shou tangled his fingers in Hiroto's hair and thrust into his mouth. He moaned as Hiroto's tongue swirled around the head.

His fingers lazily played with Shou's balls and his mouth kept tugging, as if he could extract Shou's fluids. The murky taste of precome filled his mouth as he gave small, fast sucks.

He slid his mouth down, taking in as much as he could, then pulled back till Shou was almost out of his mouth, humming around his head, the vibrations sending sharp waves of pleasure washing over him from the tips of his hair down to his toes.

With a cry, Shou let himself empty into Hiroto's mouth. Hiroto drank in all Shou had to offer before drawing back and moving up the bed so he was beside Shou.

Hiroto wanted to say something but he couldn't find the words, didn't know how to say that he wanted more. Didn't know how to say it had been more to him that just some fun. Shou obviously had something on his mind and Hiroto wasn't about to interrupt his reverie.

Shou was far too lost in the murky landscape of his own mind to notice anything. His boyfriend could offer him the physical sensation but tonight, he had also experienced an emotional connection that he hadn't felt before and maybe he was ready for that...

  
  
  



	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiroto finds Shou with Tora and in hurt spends a night with Hongki (FTI)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said before, undergoing remix. Oh, and my timeline is probably off a bit

Seven of the longest days of Hiroto's life followed. Seven days of torture, of wondering exactly what that night had meant to Shou. Shou had never brought it up again and so neither did Hiroto. The thing was though, that moment they had shared had been the greatest moment of Hiroto's life, surpassing even the moment he was asked to join a new band and oh, this is our vocalist, Shou.

Hiroto wondered how he would have reacted if he'd known then how Shou would affect his feelings. Probably not much different, that little piece of Shou's heart was better than nothing at all. At least that was what he told himself right up until he walked into a room he'd thought was empty to be alone and saw Shou pressed up against the wall by Tora, hands wandering all over each other like they were searching for something.

Eyes closed and mind focused on nothing but the hand on his ass, Shou suddenly felt the pickling of eyes boring into him and opened his eyes to see his little brother standing there, his face contorted between confusion and anger.

“Umm...” heat flooded to Shou's face but before he could say any more, Hiroto had turned on his heel and run out, cursing himself for being so stupid.Of course Shou didn't want naive, innocent purity. Tora was everything Hiroto wasn't; sure confident. A perfect match for Shou, his equal in everything. Hiroto smacked his hand against his forehead, how could he have been so stupid?

**

“What's HIS problem?” Tora shook his head.

“Umm...” Shou blushed and rubbed the back of his head.

“What did you do now Shou?” Tora looked accusingly at the sheepish-looking vocalist, “Oh, Shou, you DIDN'T! You spent the night with him?”

“It was just some fun, I never promised him any more!” Shou protested.

“You know Hiroto though, he wouldn't do it without wanting more. Shou, you really are a prize idiot!”

Shou bit his lip as his lover chided him, looking down and wishing to be sucked into an alternate reality, one where he had a serious lover and this wasn't a problem...

**

Hiroto absentmindedly petted Mogu, his thoughts a million miles away. Well, that was it, wasn't it? He knew where he stood, didn't he? No more wondering if that brotherly affection was really a little more. No more spending his nights dreaming of someone who didn't want him.

He had to move on, find someone who'd love Hiroto for himself, not what he'd do in bed. He couldn't shake that image, the mental picture of Shou crying out in bliss engraved in his brain. No matter, he had to, had to move on, forget his vocalist. Wait, his? Shou had never been 'his', Hiroto had just been there, someone convenient for Shou to have his way with.

Hiroto picked up his phone and opened up a twitter window, his favorite distraction when the tangled landscape of his mind became too much. He wasn't even aware of what he was doing until he saw that he had found a new twitter, that of Korean singer Lee Hongki.

Now, Hiroto wouldn't admit to liking much pop, but he couldn't contain himself as an FT Island fan. He followed Hongki without hesitation and fired off a tweet, thanking whatever gods were listening that he remembered some Korean.

“Hello!!! It’s the guitarist from the Japanese band Alice Nine. I followed you. I like FT Island’s songs~”

**

Hongki just stared at the tweet. He knew who Alice Nine were of course. Here was one of his heroes praising HIS music, excited to speak to HIM. It was a moment unlike Hongki had ever dared to dream of as a teenager, listening to Alice Nine in his bedroom while his friends teased him for liking a weird, Japanese band. He could hardly even process this, his brain having shut down the second someone he worshiped so much had really tweeted HIM. His brain was working enough to realize he should reply so he fired off “good night” before sitting back and wondering what alternate universe he'd wandered into.

**

What luck that Hiroto had tweeted Hongki right before FT Island had a stint in Japan! Hiroto asked Hongki to come over and hang out. Hongki, still somewhat starstruck, said of course then pinched himself multiple times to check he wasn't dreaming.

  
“Now Mogu, be nice to our visitor!” Hiroto ordered, checking his hair was spiked just so. He might not be going anywhere but he still felt a need to look good. JRockers and their habits.

  
Hongki knocked on the door and smiled as Hiroto let him in and greeted “Annyoung.” Mogu eyed the visitor with suspicion. Who was this person and why was master so happy to see him? Where was The Tall Person?

**

“The stars are amazing,” said Hongki, standing on the balcony and staring up.

Someone who shared one of his great passions. Hiroto just beamed.

His smile could outshine every one of these stars, thought Hongki. Aloud, he said, “It's Valentine's tomorrow.”

Hiroto merely nodded, meaning not registering in his brain.

“You know,” said Hongki, “Your tweet made me think of other things.”

Hongki kissed him and poor Hiroto's crushed heart, not thinking logically, responded and he kissed back. He would never admit to himself though, the face in his mind as they headed to the bedroom wasn't Hongki's...

**

Another bedroom in another part of town, another couple were foregoing a round between the sheets in favor of a rare, serious discussion.

“Tora,” Began Shou, unsure of what to say “What we've been doing up until now...it's been fun but...I want more. I want to take it one step further. I don't want to know I'm sharing you with someone else, I want someone all my own...” He trailed off.

Tora, feeling like the wind had just been knocked out of him, said nothing and stared at the ceiling.


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shou attempts suicide. Hiroto finds him and rushes him to hospital. Feelings are revealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about suicide attempt

Shou rolled over in bed and stretched out an arm, only to find it landing on nothing. Sleepily, he stretched, yawned and padded to the living room. Tora was there, staring at the coffee table as if it held some great secret. He looked up as the sofa sank a little and Shou sat down beside him. Tora knew he had something to say but had no idea how to begin. Oh well, might as well jump in with both feet.

“Shou,” he began, “We need to talk. What you were saying last night, I want to be serious with someone too. The thing is, the person I see myself being serious with-”

“Isn't me?” Shou finished, “How could you Tora? How could you lead me on when you knew there was someone else?”

“Hey!” Tora defended, “We never said this thing between us was serious! Besides, don't you like someone too?”

That was true but SO not the point, “You let me say that last night without being honest with me!”

“You didn't mean it Shou and we both know it!” The Tiger rarely got angry but Shou could see his claws now.

Tora shook his head and exited the apartment before any other angry words could be exchanged. Shou put his face in his hands and groaned. How ironic, the day of lovers and he'd both lost his boyfriend and fought with a close friend. Plus, his surrogate little brother was probably mad at him. If only I could wish away my pain, he thought.  
  
**  
  
He wasn’t quite sure how he got here but Shou stood in front of his medicine cabinet, a bottle of pills in his hand. Rational thought tried to tell him this was a bad idea. His pain wouldn’t go away. A louder part of his brain told him even temporary relief was welcome. Without more hesitation, he tipped his head back and dumped the contents of the container down his throat…  
  
**  
  
Hiroto's brows furrowed in confusion. It wasn't like Shou to not answer his phone, especially when Hiroto had tried ten times. As the phone went to voicemail for what seemed like the hundredth time, Hiroto sighed and hung up again.

“What's up?” Asked Hongki.

“Shou's not answering his phone! That's not like him!” Hiroto frowned, “I'll be back, just have to check he's okay. Make yourself at home,” Hiroto left and ran faster than he ever had before to Shou's apartment.

He couldn't explain it, he just knew something was wrong. His heart thudded even louder as he knocked on the door and Shou didn't answer. Calling Shou again, he nervously reached for the handle and turned it. He stepped inside and looked around. As the phone went to voicemail again, Hiroto saw a figure in the bathroom. Feeling removed from his body, Hiroto stepped closer and saw the figure was Shou, lying on the bathroom floor, a pill container in his hand with several pills spilled out. Hiroto had never known what it meant to have his world crash around him but now, everything melted away, the only thing registering in his brain “Ohmigodwhathappened?”.  
He bent down to check Shou was still breathing and thank the powers-that-be, he was. Hiroto let out a small sob, his older friend was still with him, not going anywhere for now. A small, logical part of his brain told him to call an ambulance, then Tora.  
  
“Tora, what did you say to your boyfriend?” Hiroto demanded.

“He's not my boyfriend any more,” Tora replied coldly.

“Well, whatever, I walked in and found him collapsed with what was left of a bottle of pills on the floor,” Hiroto spat “Meet us at the hospital”  
  
**   
  
Tora sat with his head in his hands and groaned, “How did this happen?”

“What happened between you anyway?” Hiroto quizzed.

“He wanted to get serious,” Tora replied.

“And you didn't want that?”

“I...just....I did....but with....someone else,” Tora said slowly, “Besides, him and me, we both know he wants someone else too. You should know it too.”

“Me? Why me?” Hiroto blinked.

“Oh, come ON Hiroto, open your EYES!”

Before Hiroto could make any further response, a nurse approached them, “He's stable now, you can go in.”

“I can't face him,” said Tora, “Just let him know I still care about him as a friend and I want him to be okay,” He turned his back and retreated.

“It's a good thing you found him when you did,” the nurse told Hiroto. “I don't know what it means,” she continued, “But when we were with him, he kept repeating 'Pon' over and over,” She scurried off round a corner, leaving Hiroto to ponder what this meant.

Hiroto walked into a generic hospital room to see Shou sitting up in bed.

“Hi,” Shou smiled nervously. Hiroto stared for a moment before the floodgates opened and his thoughts came tumbling out, “You really are an idiot Shou! Where would it leave me without you? How could you?” Tears fell slowly from his eyes which quickly turned into great, gulping sobs.

“I know, I'm sorry,” Shou grabbed Hiroto's hand and pulled the younger down to lay beside him.

Arm around the younger, Shou brushed Hiroto's cheek with his thumb, wiping away a tear.

“Shh, I'm here, I'll never try to leave again, I promise.”

Hiroto clung to the older tightly, as if Shou would disappear if he let go. “Seeing you lying there, it scared me so much, I just can't imagine life without you,” he sniffled.

Shou held Hiroto tighter “It's okay, I'm here, I can't leave you.”

“Hiroto?”

Hiroto looked toward the door and saw Hongki. Darn, he'd forgotten the Korean waiting patiently for him. Hongki took in the sight before turning and walking away.

Hiroto jumped up and chased Hongki, “Hongki, wait!”

“What the hell Hiroto?” Hongki frowned, “Didn't it mean anything to you? What am I supposed to think? I see you in bed with someone else!”

“Nothing happened! We were just hugging! He's my FRIEND!” Hiroto protested.

“Save it Hiroto! Who are you trying to convince, me or you?” Hongki turned and left Hiroto to mull over that question.

Shou walked up behind Hiroto and rested a head on his shoulder, “What was that about?”

“I...I don't really know,” said Hiroto, still thinking about what Hongki had said.

The two headed back to Shou's room, preferable to standing in the hallway.

“So Shou,” Hiroto said, perching on the generic hospital room easy chair, “Why did you call for me when you were delirious?”

Shou walked over and his butt found an armrest. “Because as soon as I was thinking again, I realized I didn't want to leave you.”   
  
Hiroto leaned in towards Shou. He didn't even want to imagine his life without the older. Didn't want to think how lonely everything would be. Hiroto didn't remember life before he met Shou and he didn't feel like being enlightened. Shou looked at Hiroto, remembering the feeling of his plush lips. Tora had really hit the nail on the head, Shou may have wanted to get serious but not with The Tiger, with a pretty blonde boy sitting inches from him. Shou couldn't help himself, he leaned down to claim a kiss.   
  
**   
  
The next day, Shou was being released, having only been kept in overnight for observation.

“He spoke to a therapist and it doesn't appear he'll try this again. Just in case, keep him away from anything potentially harmful, try not to leave him alone and don't let him drink for a few days,” Hiroto nodded as the nurse was giving him instructions. He had already figured all that stuff out and had asked Tora to sort Shou's apartment.  
He walked in to Shou's room to see the older pacing impatiently. As Hiroto walked in, he smiled a million-megawatt smile.

“Ready to go?” asked Hiroto.

“More than you know!” Shou replied.

Hiroto felt a tiny flutter that his old friend was back. No, he had to stop this. They had both acted like nothing had happened yesterday, Hiroto's confused heart even more mixed-up, Shou seeing Hiroto was lost and not wanting to push anything. He couldn't feel anything now, all that mattered was taking care of Shou.   
  
They drove home in silence, neither wanting to mention the event now it was over. They arrived back at Shou's, Hiroto glaring a little at Tora. He knew it wasn't really Tora's fault but blaming him was easier than facing up to what else it could mean.

Hiroto excused himself to the bathroom. As soon as he was out of earshot, Tora turned to Shou and said, “You know, you really scared Hiroto yesterday. I'm going to help you make it up to him.”

As Hiroto came out, Tora said “You look beat, Pon, go home and get some rest.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, his question directed at Shou, avoiding Tora.

“I'm gonna take a nap anyway,” Shou feigned a yawn, wondering what Tora could have in mind.  
  
**  
  
Hiroto was sitting on the sofa playing with Mogu when he heard a knock on the door. He answered it and barely saw Shou before he found himself pushed against a wall, Shou kissing him fiercely. Hiroto's lips parted with a sigh allowing Shou's tongue to dart inside.

He managed to pull himself away long enough to ask “Shou, what-”

“I made you these,” Shou said, holding out a bag of homemade chocolates. Hiroto blinked. Shou couldn't cook to save himself.

“I wanted to tell you, I'll never try to leave again,” Shou said.

Hiroto wanted with all his heart to just fall into Shou's arms. All he could think of though was last time he had given into the older, only to have his heart crushed.

“T...thank you,” he eventually stuttered. All he could do was stare. Shou suddenly felt rather uncomfortable. “Well then...” he said, wishing for some sign that he should stay. Receiving none, he turned and exited, leaving Hiroto behind him.  
  
Mogu plodded up and Hiroto picked up the Pomeranian, hugging him, wishing Mogu could heal his aching heart. Shou seemed to be genuine but he knew where that ended; been there, tried that.  
  
**  
  
Days slipped by into weeks and before Shou knew it, a month had passed by. The awkward atmosphere between Hiroto and Tora had evaporated. Everyone knew Tora was with Saga and it warmed Hiroto's heart to see how happy Tora was; he hadn't been able to hold a grudge long.  
  
Neither Hiroto nor Shou had mentioned that night again. Shou had a bit less restraint than previously though, openly flirting whenever he got a chance, never missing an opportunity to tell Hiroto how wonderful he was.

Maybe Hiroto was being too harsh. Wasn't Shou trying to show Hiroto he was special, loved? No matter how much he had been hurt, their friendship was as strong as ever. No matter what had happened, his feelings still remained. Hiroto just couldn't stay angry at Shou, nothing could come between them.   
  
He fished out his phone to check the date. March 13. Perfect. Hiroto smiled a little as a plan formed in his mind.   
  
**   
  
Hiroto groaned a little as his alarm rang, cutting through his dreams. He knew he had to get up though, knew he had things to do before going into the office. Groaning again, he peeled back the covers and joined the Land of the Living. He padded into the kitchen and mixed a cookie dough batter, the only thing left to do now was bake them when he got home.   
  
Shou couldn't deny surprise at seeing Hiroto at his door unannounced. No sooner had that thought registered though than Hiroto was kicking the door shut behind him and pinning Shou against the wall, kissing with the same ferocity Shou had when their positions were revers ed a month ago. Shou willingly opened his mouth and their tongues caressed each other.

Hiroto pulled back, “I made you these,” he smiled, giving Shou a bag of cookies with white chips. “Happy White Day.”

  
Shou kissed Hiroto again. His arms entwined around Hiroto's waist and held him tight, as though he might disappear if he let go. His hand wandered down to the sensual curve of Hiroto's ass while his lips moved down to his neck. He nipped lightly, careful not to leave marks that would have to be covered.

“Bed,” Hiroto gasped.

Shou felt his heart thud and he was sure Hiroto could hear it too. For once, this was about feelings just as much as bodily needs. Every encounter Shou had ever had was purely about physical sensation, this time was as much a way to show emotion.   
  
As soon as they crossed the threshold, constricting fabric was discarded and the two naked lovers collapsed on the bed. Shou's kisses were like oxygen, Hiroto couldn't breathe without them. His lips found Shou's and their tongues stroked each other, both showing the emotion they had held back before and needing the physical closeness.

They shifted around slightly so Shou was lying atop Hiroto, their hips aligned. The two began to thrust, delicious electricity sparking between them as two sets of balls rubbed against each other.

Hiroto snaked a hand between their bodies, fingers teasing a hardened nipple. The other hand lightly danced over Shou's back.

Ragged breaths filled the air as they began to speed up, both loving the friction as the two shafts rubbed together. Writhing together, they continued to grind their hips in the erotic dance. Hiroto was gripping the sheets, his face flushed and a sheen of sweat breaking out over his body. Shou had never seen a sight more arousing than Hiroto lost in bliss like this. Nothing else mattered, or even existed, but their bodies pressed together, their cocks rubbing against one another.

The moans Hiroto let out were sweet music to Shou's ears, more magical than anything he had ever heard. He made a noise of appreciation in the back of his throat.   
They were both moving as fast as they could now, precome slicking the skin as they rocked against each other.

“Ooh, so good Shou, it feels so good, I'm going to come soon.”

“Me too, my beautiful one, me...”

A hard thrust and both men let go as the pleasure exploded. They cried out each others' names as bliss like neither had ever known flowed from them. As the waves of ecstasy continued to wash over them, they moaned in unison. This was the most satisfying orgasm either had ever had; as the pleasure released, so did the emotion they'd both felt for so long.   
  
Shou rolled off and took Hiroto in his arms. “I love you. I've always loved you. Even when I was being an idiot. Even when I should have-”

“Shhh,” Hiroto kissed Shou, cutting him off, “No 'should have's. That was yesterday, we still have tomorrow”  
  
And 'tomorrow' would last forever, Shou promised himself.  
  
  


 


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shou and Hiroto have been together a year now. Shou wants Hiroto to move in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is kind of a disconnect from the other chapters here tbh

It was finally here, the day Shou had anxiously been awaiting. He was going to do it. The final step they could take. Shou had been planning for weeks it would happen on Hiroto’s birthday. The two had been together over a year now.

Hiroto had been visiting his parents all day. It was unspoken that he would be coming back here; the two couldn’t even remember when they had spent a night apart.

The morning had begun with Shou giving Hiroto a brand new yukata he had bought and telling him to try it on.

As soon as Hiroto was gone, Shou had begun with his plans that he hoped would give Hiroto the most magical day ever.

**

Hiroto walked in after a day of celebrating, content with life. It had been a long time since he had seen his brother and he always enjoyed seeing his parents. The apartment he walked into was dark save for the warm glow of candles.

“Shou?” he called tentatively.

“Go sit at the table. I’ll be there in a second!” Shou’s voice came from the kitchen.

  
Hiroto thought this was somewhat strange but sat down at the table. Shou appeared, also in a yukata, carrying a tray of gyoza and set it down on the table. Hiroto sniffed “It smells great!”

“That’s not all!” Grinned Shou, heading back to the kitchen.

He came out, this time carrying two bowls of miso ramen. Placing a bowl in front of Hiroto, he took a seat and smiled.

“Did you make all this?” Shou nodded. “But you never cook!”

“Nao’s been working with me the last few weeks. But he didn’t help me today, this was all me.”

Hiroto was flattered Shou had gone to all this effort for him. He picked up a gyoza in his chopsticks and brought it to his mouth “Mmm, its good!”   
He picked at his ramen and took a mouthful. “Good too.” He approved.

A few minutes of silence and all the food on the table slowly disappeared. When they were finished, Shou said “I have more.” He cleared up and returned with two bowls of jelly. “I was going to bake you a cake but I know you prefer this.”

“Wow!” Hiroto whispered, speechless by how loved he felt.

They finished and Shou blew out the candles and led Hiroto to the bedroom, also filled with a soft candlelight glow. This was it. The moment Shou had worked up to in his mind for weeks. He carried Hiroto over to the bed and sat him down.

Shou got down on one knee and took Hiroto's hand in his own. As he opened his mouth, the words that spilled out weren't the words he had been memorizing for weeks. These words were unplanned and exactly how he felt at that moment in time.

“Hiroto, when I first met you, I knew you were special. I didn't see how special and I hurt you. But now I wake up every day in your arms and know this is where I belong. I want to be with you always. Hiroto, will you move in with me?”

Hiroto took Shou's hands in his own and pulled him up “Shou, I love you, you know that. I love you so much and I always have. I'm just not sure we're ready for this.” Shou looked down, hoping Hiroto wouldn't see the tears “But you know I love you and nothing changes that.”

Shou nodded and looked up, forcing his face not to betray how he felt. So Hiroto wasn't ready to take that step, that didn't mean he didn't love him, right? It didn't mean that they had changed how they felt, right? All Shou cared about was Hiroto being happy but hadn't he done all this?

“Hiroto....I love you and I want you to be happy but...why not? Don't I make you happy?”

Hiroto felt himself get a little angry but swallowed it down “Of course you do Shou. I just don't-”

“-Don't really love me? If that's how you feel no wonder you don't want to live with me!” Shou didn't even mean that, it just came out.

“Is that what you think? I can't believe you think that! How can you think that? I've been here for you every time you needed me!”

“I have a hard time believing anyone truly in love wouldn't want to live together! What are you still doing here anyway? If you don't want to be with me go have fun with someone else!”

“Excuse me?” Hiroto said “You want to talk about someone having fun with someone else? Ppft, don't even get me started!” he laughed bitterly “And I don't know why I'm still here but I won't be any longer!” he yelled as he stormed out and slammed the door.

Shou threw himself onto the bed. Had he really been wrong? Hadn't he done everything to make Hiroto happy? He threw a pillow at the door. It didn't help the nagging feeling that if Hiroto said no, he must be having doubts.

**

Hiroto kicked a stone along in front of him. He didn't even know where he was going, just that he needed to clear his head. How could Shou say that? How could his lover even suggest he would 'have fun with someone else'? Hiroto laughed bitterly remembering how they got together. That he had been 'someone else' Shou had gone to for pleasure.

And to say Hiroto didn't love Shou, that was just plain ridiculous. He loved the older man with all his heart, he just wasn't ready for the final step. Wasn't ready to be one of those couples who can't spend a minute apart.

Hiroto found himself walking through a park himself and Shou often walked though. He heaved a huge sigh and sat down under an almost wilted sakura tree. Leaning his back against the rough bark, he found himself thinking how ironic it was that this day had seemed perfect just a few hours ago...

A drop of water landed on his nose. And another. As Hiroto looked up, the clouds unleashed a torrent of rain. Not that Hiroto cared about getting sick. Shou thought he didn't love him any more. What else really mattered? Besides, the rain felt good against his skin, like everything was being washed away.

How could Shou think Hiroto wasn't happy? Nothing made Hiroto happier than Shou. Ever since Hiroto had known Shou, he'd had been happier than he'd ever known and that last year they'd been a couple was indescribable.

Deep down, the truth was Hiroto was scared. He'd never been in love, never even considered it. He hadn't planned to fall in love with Shou. He couldn't even pinpoint the exact moment it had happened, Shou had always been watching out for the younger in the old days and without Hiroto realizing, Shou was always on his mind and made his heart beat faster. As time went on, the feelings only intensified and now Hiroto loved Shou with all his heart.

But was that enough? There was so much they didn't know, so much to think and talk about. Hiroto had never been so in love the thought of living with someone made his heart pound. Maybe that was all they needed. They had all their lives to work out everything. He couldn't deny Shou made him happy. Maybe when he felt scared a hug from his beloved would calm him. Hiroto stood up; he needed to talk to Shou.

**

Shou's pillow was soaked. How could he have said those things? He knew Hiroto loved him and if waiting made him happy, Shou would wait. He would do anything to make Hiroto happy, even if it meant giving up his own joy.

A small buzz of his apartment door and Shou was standing up and padding through the apartment to lift the receiver.

“Shou? We need to talk”

That voice Shou hadn't been sure if he'd hear again.

“Come on up” he pressed the button granting Hiroto access.

He opened his own door and waited until he saw Hiroto's frame step off the elevator and towards him.

“Hiroto, I'm so sorry” Shou reached out to Hiroto “I didn't mean any of what I said. I love you and I want you to be happy and if waiting makes you happy then we can wait” Shou knew he was babbling but he didn't care, he just had to let it be known how sorry he was.

“Shou, I'm so scared, there's still so much we don't know” Began Hiroto “But I do know I love you and you make me happy. I know I want to be with you”

“You mean-?”  
“Yes. I want to live with you. I want to make a home with you. I want to feel this way forever”

  
Shou hugged the younger “Come on, let's get you out of those wet clothes”

  
He took Hiroto's hand and led him to the bedroom. Once inside, Hiroto stripped his clothes off and turned to the dresser that his own clothes had taken over half of. Shou crept up behind Hiroto and hugged him from behind. He nibbled Hiroto's ear, his warm breath making the younger giggle.

Hiroto turned around and pulled Shou's shirt over his head before bringing their lips together. Their tongues came together exploring each other's mouths. Shou started to undo his pants and stepped out of them as him and Hiroto aimed for the bed.

As Shou reached into a nighttable draw and pulled out a tube of lube, Hiroto froze momentarily.

“We don't have to” Shou said “I know we haven't and we don't have to, I just want to show you I love you but if you aren't comfortable with it, I won't push it.”

They still hadn't gone all the way and Shou hadn't pressed for it. He knew Hiroto was scared and besides, he liked what they were doing.

“No Shou, I want to. I love you too. Just...be gentle”

Shou nodded and coated his fingers generously and slid a finger inside. Hiroto prepared himself for a pain which didn't really come, it just felt weird. Like something was there that didn't belong. Hiroto had to admit some disappointment. So much for all those 'fanfictions' he'd snuck a look at where it felt amazing.

Shou looked at Hiroto's face and could see it was nothing special. He moved his finger around and deeper slowly and then, he brushed a spot that made Hiroto give a delicious moan and arc gracefully off the bed.

“There! Again! More!” Hiroto begged.

Shou ginned and brushed the spot again, addicted to the noises Hiroto was making before inserting another finger. There was definate pain this time as Shou stretched him. Hiroto forced himself to relax. It would get better again, it had to. Sure enough, Shou hit that spot again and Hiroto swore he saw stars. He thrust his hips against Shou's fingers, needing more of that wonderful feeling.

Shou withdrew his fingers causing Hiroto to whine at loss as Shou slicked himself and slicked some more.

“I love you Hiroto. I always will. I want to be with you forever.”

Hiroto wrapped his arms around Shou's neck and drew him close “I love you too Shou. I've always loved you and I always will. Do it, make me yours”

Shou pressed his lips against Hiroto's and pushed in slowly. Despite how slow he pushed in, despite the preparation, Hiroto still felt pain and Shou kept filling. And filling. He closed his eyes and focused on the set of lips on his, the tongues rubbing against each other.

“Are you okay?” Shou paused.

Hiroto nodded “Just...go slow”

Shou smiled down at his lover. Nothing else mattered. Not the past, not their fight, nothing but the love. Hiroto felt Shou move inside of him and it occurred to him what they were doing. Truly one. And despite the fact he had never done this before, despite the hurt and fear he had felt earlier, all that was left was love.

Shou moved his hips slowly and gently. Alright, that was feeling better as Shou moved deeper. The fullness was delicious.

He opened his eyes to see Shou looking down with nothing but pure love in his eyes. Hiroto was so tight, so hot, it took all his self control not to pound into Hiroto.   
A moan below Shou told him he had hit a spot that made Hiroto tingle all over. He moved gently in and out of Hiroto being sure to hit that spot again and again. Hiroto moved his hips “Oh yes, Shou. Like that” he purred against Shou's lips. Shou kept with that pace pushing in deeper and deeper.

Hiroto was moaning with every thrust now, sweating and flushed, lips parted and ragged breaths.

  
“So beautiful” murmured Shou has he moved harder inside but still with that slow pace. Hiroto lifted his hips, trying to take Shou deeper, make their bodies melt together. The men thrust together, losing themselves in each other and their feelings. Another hard thrust and Shou hit THE spot making Hiroto arch up and nearly scream “Again. Right there. Faster!”

Shou angled his hips so he hit that place again and moved faster, making Hiroto cry out with need and passion.

“Touch me! Please!” he begged and Shou wrapped slender fingers around Hiroto's cock, moving in time with his fast thrusts.

A particularly hard thrust against his prostate and Hiroto couldn't hold back any more, screaming Shou's name as pleasure overcame him and he released over Shou's hand, over and over, more intense than he thought possible.

As the pleasure washed over Hiroto, he clenched hard around Shou who also tipped over the edge, throwing his head back and crying out as he let go deep inside Hiroto.   
The men collapsed in a heap, panting and hugging and kissing.

“I love you so much” Hiroto whispered.

“I love you too” Shou replied.

“Shou...we still need to talk. How are we going to work this out? Are we going to live here or my place or somewhere else? What about Mogu?”

“Hush” whispered Shou “We can talk about all that tomorrow. Right now, I just want to snuggle with you” he smiled and wrapped his arms around Hiroto “Actually, I have something for you. I got it a while ago, I've been waiting for the perfect moment to give you it.”

He leaned over into the nighttable draw and pulled out a gold necklace with a star covered in diamonds “I have one too” Shou picked up another from the table “They can be our little secret, our way of knowing our love”

Hiroto smiled at Shou and gave him a kiss “I love you Kohara Kazamasa, I always will”

“And I love you Ogata Hiroto”

 


End file.
